My 180

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I was going to just continue my Whole30 until Thanksgiving, but I’ve really felt burnt out on it the last few days, so I made the conscious decision tonight to enjoy a “cheat meal.” I don’t like calling it a cheat meal because I don’t feel like I’m cheating. Some people call it a reward meal, some call it a cheat meal, but I’m just calling it a meal. I don’t like calling it a cheat because that implies that I’m doing something bad. I also don’t like calling it a reward because rewarding yourself with food doesn’t create a healthy psychology with food. If I’m going to adopt a clean lifestyle for the rest of my life, it has to be manageable, and to me that means occationally giving myself permission to eat things that don’t necessarily fall into the category of “clean.” The only caveat I have is that it has to be worth it, so I ate something I’ve been craving pretty much since day 1 of my Whole30… pizza! I ordered my favorite pizza from my favorite local pizza place, and it was amazing!

I ordered the personal size pizza which really has no right to be called a personal size pizza. It’s way too much for one person. That definitely didn’t stop me from eating the whole thing though… I always knew it was a trigger food for me or as the Whole30-ers say a “food with no brakes,” but I never really realized just how bad it was. I got about 5 slices in, and the pizza just didn’t taste as good. It registered in my mind that I was getting full, and the taste just wasn’t as good, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to eat it. I wanted to, and I knew I should, but I also really wanted to keep eating it. It was a really weird internal struggle.

I also had some caramel apple pie gelato, and it was the same as with the pizza. I bought the pint size container, and I planned to only eat a cup of it, but once I started, I just didn’t want to stop. I got to the point where I was getting uncomfortably full. I even portioned it out, but I kept going back for more. It’s definitely an indicator that I can’t keep my trigger foods in the house. If I know they’re there, my mind dwells on it until I eat it. Even though I’m really uncomfortably full, and I wish I wouldn’t have eaten all of it, I don’t regret it one bit. It was what I wanted most, I made the conscious decision to eat it, and I savored every bite. 🙂

I also mentioned yesterday that I had an appointment with a personal trainer today. I was really nervous about it all day today, but I told myself it was just an hour, and I was going. I went to the gym after work and started changing only to realize I had forgotten my sports bra! I stood there for a minute debating whether I should just work out in my regular bra, but since I’ve been losing, my regular bras have been fitting looser too. I decided to just go home, and I rescheduled my appointment for next Wednesday. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little relieved.

Finally, the good news for today… I stepped on the scale this morning. I wasn’t expecting much because I’ve been feeling so bloaty lately, but I was down 12 lbs! That’s about 3 lbs a week. 🙂 Even though that’s a significant loss, I still feel a little disappointed with the way I feel. I’m happy for the loss, but I decided to do the Whole30 to be more healthy, and I don’t feel as healthy as I was hoping. Tomorrow I’m back to eating squeaky clean until Thanksgiving, so hopefully I’ll get more of the benefits I was originally doing it for.

 

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