Starting Over

Sorry it’s been awhile. I’m not going to make excuses. I will fully admit that the only reason I haven’t been writing is that I didn’t really want to write about my health and fitness life because for the last several months, things have not been good. I have gotten kind of out of control, and I’ve been ashamed.

I can’t recall if I wrote about this or not (I skimmed my older posts and didn’t see anything), but I did a couple diet bets a few months ago. I signed up for them right after my first successful Whole30 because I had lost quite a bit of weight, and it was still coming off pretty steadily. I thought well, I’m doing it anyway, so I might as well earn some extra cash while I’m doing it.

The two bets I signed up for were a one month bet and a six month bet. If you are unfamiliar with how they work, for the one month bet, you have to lose 4% of your original weight in one month, and then you share in the pot with all the other people who met the goal. For the six month bet, you have to lose 10% of your original weight in six months with a smaller loss goal every month. The rewards for the six month bet are that you have to meet the smaller goal every month in order to share in a small portion of the pot, and then for the final weigh in, you have to have lost over 10%, and you share in the larger portion of the pot.

Joining the bets was a big mistake… as soon as I turned my focus from becoming healthier for the sake of being healthier to losing weight for the sake of the number on the scale, I started to do things that weren’t so healthy. My weight loss slowed down as it does because I was over the initial loss you always get when changing up your diet, and I started to get frustrated. I was allowing myself a little snack here and a little treat there until I was right back into my old, terrible eating habits.

I easily won the one month bet and the first month of my 6 month bet. I was pretty far ahead of where I needed to be for the next month’s goal, and that’s when I started to allow myself to slack. I thought well, I’m doing so well, what’s one little treat? But then one treat turned into two which turned into three, and so on. I missed my month two and month three weigh-ins, and by month 4, I was desperate. I turned to some very unhealthy eating habits. I did a “3 day diet” which is a very restricted eating plan for 3 days followed by 4 days of eating whatever you want. The theory behind it is that you’re tricking your metabolism into revving up by basically starving yourself for 3 days and then going back to normal.

I do have to admit that if you want to lose some weight quickly, it helps; however, it cemented my already dysfunctional relationship with food. I would do the diet and lose the weight needed for my weigh in, and then as soon as I weighed in, I binged. I ate all the junk food I could find, and gained all the weight back. Then a couple weeks before my next weigh in, I panicked again, and did the starvation diet managing to squeak by with my month 5 weigh in, followed again by a junk food binge.

I honestly have no idea how I managed to make my final weigh in, but I did. I did the 3 day diet a couple times and also worked out pretty hardcore. I even managed to get down to a major milestone, but I didn’t feel at all proud about it. I knew it wasn’t going to last, and I knew that I had done things that weren’t good for me to get there. I tried not to post my win to Facebook, but I must have hit the wrong button when the prompt popped up because it showed up. Someone commented on it, and I didn’t feel proud for my accomplishment; I felt embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to know.

Surprise of surprises, as soon as I finished the bet, I went even crazier. Every day was a free-for-all. I had everything I wanted when I wanted it, and I stopped exercising. I had ice cream every day, sometimes twice a day, and I started drinking soda again to the point where I was up to a 24 oz bottle every morning.

Even typing all this up, I feel really ashamed and embarrassed, but I think it’s important to get it all out there. I’m back into all my old clothes that didn’t fit me a few months ago, and even they are kind of tight. The definition in my face is mostly gone. I feel sluggish and lazy. I’m not sleeping well. My joints hurt, and my digestion is all out of whack again. I refuse to weigh myself, but I know that I’m at the highest weight I’ve been at in a couple years. I don’t think I’m back to my highest weight ever yet, but I know that if I don’t change something now, I will be very soon.

Even though I have been feeling really crappy and ashamed, I think there is some good in it… I took a good, hard look at myself and the things I’ve been doing and how I’ve been feeling, and I’ve said enough is enough! I’m sick of feeling like crap; I’m sick of being uncomfortable; and I’m sick of feeling ashamed, so I’m doing something about it.

My plan is to do another Whole30 starting July 5. I’d start now, but I know that I won’t be able to keep it up for the 4th, and I don’t want to set out to fail. Until then, I have been watching what I’m eating by focusing on getting more vegetables in and cutting down on the sweets. I’ve stopped drinking soda, and ice cream is the next thing to go because those are both things that I majorly overdo it with every time I have some.

Since health and wellness is a two-pronged approach, I’ve also come up with an exercise plan that will be sustainable because it starts out slow and builds on itself. I’ve decided to do a 12 week half marathon walking plan. It perfectly lines up with a half marathon in the area, but I don’t know if I want to do it yet because the entry is $100. That’s a lot of money, but who knows… maybe that might be enough motivation for me to stay on track. We’ll see…

The walk plan has 2 rest days written in as well, but I’m going to do active resting in the form of yoga. I think this will really help keep my muscles loose, and it will keep me from getting into the habit of skipping workouts. From yesterday forward, I plan to do some form of activity every day even if it’s just 10 minutes of stretching. Consistency is key as I know that this is where I’ve failed in the past.

In addition to the walking, I’m going to do some bodyweight training in the form of what I call SPS. It stands for Situps, Pushups, and Squats. For that, I’m using an app that is supposed to help get you up to 200 situps, 100 pushups, and 200 squats. When I did the initial test, it wasn’t pretty… I can only do 2 pushups, 10 situps, and 20 squats. I’ve done this plan before, and I got up to 10 pushups, 50 situps, and 65 squats, so it’s a little disheartening to see how much fitness I’ve lost, but I know that it will get better as I keep it up.

So that’s where I’m at… thanks so much for reading! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers during these first couple weeks since they will be the most challenging.

Anyway, I’m off to enjoy the beautiful weather we’re having today with day 2 of my exercise plan!