Alright, so first off, I know it has been quite a while since my last post. Forgive me, please? I have been dealing with some stuff that I just didn’t want to blog about. My eating went back to crap, and I stopped working out for a while. Every week felt like the same old, same old, and I didn’t feel like writing about it, and I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to read it.
I’ve always been a bit of a worrier. I worry about a lot of things. I get these weird moments when I’m convinced that something bad is going to happen to someone I love or my dog. Usually I can recognize these silly fears and work through them by convincing myself that really there’s a very small chance of my dog escaping from the house while I’m at work and being lost forever. (When I’m not home, he’s kenneled, or more often, I take him by my parents to watch him while I’m at work.)
For much of the end of January and the beginning of February, however, I had general anxiety that wasn’t about any one particular thing. It was just this panicky feeling that wouldn’t go away. Mixed in with that, I had a general feeling of malaise. I’d call it a depression, but it really only lasted for a couple weeks, so I don’t feel like it was a true depression. I felt like things were really out of control, and I just shut down. I would go to work (though there was one day that I just couldn’t make myself go, so I called in sick), and I would come home and veg until it was time to go to sleep.
I recognized the whole time that this was not normal behavior, but I just felt like I didn’t know what to do. I knew that if I could just get one thing in order, the rest usually followed, but when you feel so down, getting yourself to do just one thing is a huge challenge. One day I finally convinced myself that enough was enough. I didn’t have to do everything in one day, but I had to do something, so I got up and did one thing. I cleaned my kitchen. I felt so much better to have a clean kitchen that the next day I did one more thing, and so on, and so on.
During this time, I also read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo, and it really gave me the motivation to get things into gear. I’ve always felt like I had too much stuff that I just didn’t want or need. It was stuff that I had to keep tidy and find a place for, so just seeing it made me feel stressful. I felt like my house was always messy because I didn’t even know what to do with half of it.
Last weekend, I finally found the time and energy to just completely clean house. I went through all my clothes and got rid of a bunch. I looked at each piece and honestly asked myself if I needed it or wanted it, or if it even fit me properly and made me look good, and if the answer was no, it got tossed. I repeated this same method for every room and everything in my house. After all was said and done, I had 6 garbage bags and 3 bins full of stuff I was either tossing, donating, or selling.
You would not believe how much better I feel having gotten rid of so much junk. In the book, she says you should open your closet and feel happy, and I thought it was crazy, but now I do! I do that with my whole house! I come home, and I’m happy to be there. Instead of thinking about all the cleaning I have to do when I get home, I get home, and it’s already clean! (For the most part anyway… we did a whole bunch of cooking on Sunday, and I have to get all the dishes clean from that yet. With a small dishwasher, you can only do so many!)
One of my goals with KonMari-ing my house was to clear off my desk to create a workspace, so I can get serious on my blogging and a few other projects I have going on. My desk is now clean, and I came up with a schedule for myself, so hopefully I’ll be blogging a little more frequently. 🙂
I have taken a couple other steps to get my life back in order, but this post is so long, I’ll save that for next time!
Do you ever get feeling down or like your life is out of control? How do you handle it?