Jumping Off the Wagon

As you may have gleaned from the title, I have been in a bit of a rut lately. Ever since my allowed “worth it meal” on day 31 of my first Whole30, I’ve been completely derailed. I had my worth it meal, but I told myself it was not going to mean I was done eating clean. The next day, I had every intention of starting back up, and then there were cookies… (or something… I’m not really sure what the exact trigger food was anymore.) And my brain said, what’s the harm in having one little treat? You’ve been so good for the last 30 days! You deserve a little something, and besides, it’s not like having the one treat is going to completely do you in.

I had the treat and swore I was going back to clean eating. I did… until another treat came along. Then at that point my reasoning was well… the new month starts in a couple days, might as well just start then. November has 30 days, so it’s pretty much a sign! The problem was on November 1 I was in Milwaukee with my boyfriend for a “special day,” and on “special days” we should allow ourselves to enjoy! And enjoy I did!

Oh well, I thought. I will start tomorrow. And then tomorrow happened, and I hadn’t gone to the grocery store, so I didn’t have any food to cook. Again, I thought it’s not a big deal; tomorrow is a good day to start. I did pretty well sticking to Whole30 for Nov 3-7, but then on Nov 8, I was with the boyfriend again, and I didn’t plan ahead. I didn’t eat anything until about 2, by which point I was hangry! We went to a steakhouse, and begrudgingly I remained compliant, the whole time judging my bf jealously while he enjoyed his fresh baked crusty bread, bowl of hearty chowder, slathered BBQ ribs, and French fries. All the things I was dying to have on the cold and blustery day!

A few hours later, I was hungry again, and I was at the point where I just didn’t care what I ate as long as some food entered my belly as quickly as possible. The bf had some chips, and we ordered a pizza. I decided to not let myself feel guilty over it because stuff happens. I had planned poorly, and this was the consequence. That just meant that I was back at it the next day. Except the next day I woke up around 8 when the bf came back from his short morning shift. He was tired, so I let him sleep for a couple hours. I was ridiculously hungry, and being that I wasn’t in my house, I didn’t really have any compliant foods available, so I went for the leftover pizza. Well of course the day was just ruined after that (*sarcasm*), so when the bf woke up, we went for pancakes. Then for dinner we had subs…

Then every day this week, I’ve told myself that I’m starting my Whole30, and today is the day! Absolutely no excuses, here we go! Every day I’ve packed healthy, Whole30 compliant meals for breakfast and lunch, and I felt great! Then I’d get done with work, and all my resolve was completely gone. There was always something that justified me buying a candy bar or chips or pizza…

I’m guessing my lack of motivation for the second go around has to do with the fact that my focus has changed since my first one. On my first Whole30, I was all about the health aspect. I read “It Starts With Food,” by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig, the creators of Whole30 and Whole9 Life, and it made so much sense! I had been eating junk for years, completely messing up my body to the point where I became significantly overweight, have bad acne, asthma, sinus problems, digestive issues, and aches throughout my whole body, and most of the problem is likely due to what I was eating.

During my first Whole30, most of my headaches, body aches, acne, stomach issues, etc. went away, and I felt amazing! I was focusing on my health by eating the right foods, and as a bonus, I lost 12 lbs and a couple inches. The weight loss was awesome, but it wasn’t, and shouldn’t have been, the focus. When I started, my intent was to correct the years of damage I’ve done to myself and to finally feel well. After I was done, however, I saw the weight loss results and I got greedy. I wanted more! I saw how much I had dropped in a short period of time and felt confident I could do it again.

Right around the end of my first Whole30, I came across Diet Bet, which, if you haven’t heard of it, is a site that is supposed to help encourage you to lose weight by putting down money into a pot that is split by anyone from the group that meets the goal. Riding the high and confidence boost I felt after completing my first Whole30, I decided that I could easily make a couple bucks off of something I was doing anyway, and I joined a couple of them-a 1 month and a 6 month bet.

Well, wouldn’t you know that as soon as my focus became all about losing weight instead of my health, it didn’t seem as important. Of course I’d like to lose weight, who wouldn’t? But personally, it’s just not that big of a motivator to me. For me, the weight loss is all about looks, and you may disagree, but I think I look pretty good the way I am. I could look better, I’m sure, but I’m happy enough with the way I look right now that it’s just not enough for me to want to give up all the good tasting junk that I’m used to eating. Even the money hasn’t been enough of a motivator to get myself back to eating right!

I’ve tried losing weight more times than I can count, but it has never really worked. I’ve had some success on a few plans, but I’ve always regained the weight, usually also carrying a few more lbs along for the ride. I’ve lost significant amounts of weight 3 times in my life, and every time it was when I focused on eating healthy foods and exercising because I knew it was good for my body.

So anyway, I guess to sum it all up, I’m shifting my focus back onto my health-moving more and eating good, whole foods because it’s what my body needs. To jump start myself back onto the right path, today is really and truly day 1 of my second Whole30, and I’m bound and determined to see it through all 30 days. I’m putting it out there in hopes that it will help me get through the first few days and not go back on it! I’m sure I’ll lose a few more lbs, but I really would like my health back.

UPDATE: I wrote this post on Friday and completely forgot to hit publish! But I am proud to say I made it through my weekend fully committed and am now on day 4 of my second Whole30! I feel so much renewed vigor with this one that I feel very confident I’ll make it the full 30 days. 🙂 I even resisted a heaping plate of fries smothered in cheese, bacon and ranch when we went out for dinner on Saturday night. It was sitting right in front of me the whole time, and it smelled absolutely sinfully good, but I didn’t cave! 🙂